So, you want to do something for me?

Throughout my fight with multiple myeloma, from the very beginning with my diagnosis, I’ve been overwhelmed by the amount of love and support thrown our way by our friends and family. It’s incredibly humbling to be included in prayers, and to receive numerous messages checking on our wellbeing, Lori’s and the kids’ too. I’m extraordinarily grateful for everything. Thank you, everyone, for all your kind words, encouragement, support and love. 

As I’m writing this, I’m halfway through the stem cell transplant process, and I can tell you, we’ve also enjoyed quite a number of meals prepared by others. It’s been so helpful to not have to go to the store as often, as well as not having to cook. It allows us to do other things including getting healthier and stronger to work through this process.

I will always welcome the lentil soups (thanks, Beth), the lasagnas and chilis (thanks, Chris Anne), the breakfast casseroles (thanks, Patty), the sweet potato soups and chilis (thanks, Kimba), and the enchiladas, fajitas, pot pies, etc. (thanks, Donna). 

And, of course, we are unbelievably grateful for the very generous financial giving by so many to help us during our requirement to relocate to a closer proximity of Stanford during the stem cell transplant. 

You get the idea. I’ve, we’ve, so much to be thankful for.

But, as much as I value all that and more, and since you may have asked, there are some things you can do for me. In fact, there are four things you can do for me:

1 – See your doctor annually

Go see your doctor annually for a routine physical, and as part of that physical get a workup done of your blood. And, of course, encourage your tribe to do the same.

My diagnosis journey started with an anemic finding on a blood test – my hemoglobin was a little low and outside the normal range. It needed to be confirmed, and then I needed some expanded blood testing to see if I was perhaps bleeding internally. All nothing, but still anemic. So, off to a hematologist, where a deeper blood test showed abnormal levels of blood proteins. Then, finally, a bone marrow biopsy, which confirmed multiple myeloma and showed 90 percent of my bone marrow was cancerous. 

Here’s why you should go to the doctor: 90 percent of my bone marrow was cancerous and I had NO symptoms. I felt good. Yeah, maybe I was a bit tired, but give me a break, I was 54 years-old, working my butt off at a start-up technology company, and trying to get two kids through very expensive colleges. Athletically, I was crushing it, with my performance metrics on par, if not a bit better, then the metrics for the past five years. 

Cancer is silent; it’s a sneaky little bastard that creeps up on you. One out of three Americans will experience cancer first hand in their lifetime (some estimates are 40%, four out of ten), and the rest of them will undoubtedly have someone in their family, social circles and networks go through it. Cancer affects damn near everyone, to one degree or another. Tell your tribe, spread the word, raise awareness and lead by proactive example. 

2 – Eliminate, or at least minimize, as many risk factors as you’re so inclined

Minimize your risk factors. You don’t need a doctor or any genetic testing, and especially me, to tell you what those risk factors are. You already know – they’re the “too muchs” and the “too littles” or “not enoughs.”

You know, like:

• You drink too much
• You eat too much
• You smoke too much
• You don’t exercise enough
• You eat too few fruits and vegetables

You get it. You know what risk factors you have.

I’m not saying to not live. That’s ridiculous. What I’m saying is to recognize your risk factors and minimize – or even eliminate – those of which you’re comfortable. It will make for a healthier you, and a healthier you makes for a happier me.

3 – Reach out to those alone

If you know someone going through cancer – or any other health crisis – alone, reach out to them. Let them know you’re thinking of them and would love to help in any way you can (and maybe even offer up a few specifics, like rides to treatment, or preparing a meal or two). 

I’m super lucky. I have had Lori, my wife, by my side through this entire ordeal – every appointment, everything, every day. 

I CAN’T IMAGINE doing this alone. Insurance, meds, taking care of oneself, etc. It’s a lot and it could easy be overwhelming. Speaking for myself, giving cancer my best requires me to be at my best, and that’s a complex system of physical, mental, emotional and spiritual well-being. They’re interrelated, and one has an affect on another even for healthy people – how many people skip workouts because they just don’t mentally feel like it? For me, particularly early in my diagnosis, it was an emotional rollercoaster, with ups and downs. It means everything to know that I have an army of friends not behind me, but beside me, alongside me, and we together march into this fight. Numbers count – at least they do for me.

Now, I know what you might be thinking. You don’t know what to say to someone you know whom you’ve found out has cancer (or some other serious health issue). I get it. But, let me tell you from experience, the best place to start is with just that – “I don’t know what to say.”

Try this: “I don’t know what to say. But, I love you and care for you, and I want to help support you along the way the best I can. I hope we can talk about how to do that.”

It will mean the world to the person you share that with.

4 – Find your cause

Find your cause – any cause. You’ll know which one calls to you, for it will be the one you’re most passionate about. And, once you’ve identified it, support it the best you can with either your time, your financial contributions, or both. 

If you’re inclined to donate to cancer organizations on my behalf, I am flattered and, again, humbled. I’ve got some suggestions too, including:

• Multiple Myeloma Research Foundation
• National Foundation for Cancer Research
• St. Jude Children’s Research Hospital
• V Foundation for Cancer Research
• Sandra J. Wing Healing Therapies Foundation

Hey, you asked :).